Guilt is something we feel all the time, everyday you probably feel some sort of guilt over something.
This post sort of piggy back’s my previous post, it will all come together in the end.
Mom guilt comes in various ways, guilt about how much tv your child watched that day, or guilt about stopping and getting McDonald’s for dinner instead of cooking something, even mom guilt because you left your children with a sitter while you went out.
I feel mom guilt every single day. I go to school full time, and I am a single mom full time. Being in nursing school means I have very long days some days, more than I would like. If my days aren’t long at school, they are spent at home doing homework.
Today I was at school from 9am until after 7pm, to which my sweet, loving little boy says, “mommy you’ve been gone all day”.
It’s like being stabbed in the heart. Repeatedly.
I don’t want him to feel this way, but I need to finish school and succeed in order to better take care and provide for him.
Being almost four years old means he doesn’t understand this, he just wonders why his mommy isn’t around as much anymore.
It a really crappy feeling. It sucks.
Sure someday he will appreciate the times we had together and realize I was in school and working to make a better life for the two of us, but right now it just feels as though I’m breaking my little boy’s heart.
What I’ve tried to do is make a date with Karter, once a week we do something together and make the best of the time we have.
Sometimes its as simple as getting down on the floor and playing with him, or listening to him tell me about his day, or cuddling and watching a movie we don’t even need to talk he just needs to know I’m there and I’m present.
He will often say, “mommy I miss you a lot, but I miss you most when I’m at daddy’s”
Which made me realize he just wants me to be present. Not on my phone, or doing homework, or distracted, but in the present with him. Listen, cuddling, laughing, talking, tickling, something that lets him know I am there with him.
So, it may seem as though this post contradicts my previous post but they go together.
It’s important as parents we take parent time outs, spend time alone or with friends or a spouse. And you will feel guilty doing so. Our children consume us mind, body, and soul. They are an extension of our being. Therefore being away from them or missing them and feeling guilty is only natural.
So take time for yourself, and feel the guilt. But take time to be present too, be there in the moment with your children. The days go by so quickly, suddenly our children will be grown and we will long for the times we had with them.
I get so happy, when Karter can recall a memory from 2 years ago. Something we did together that he remembers and enjoys, I am shaping his memories right now so I try to make them count.
Thats how I deal with mom guilt essentially, it still feels like being stabbed that doesn’t go away. But it heals a little when Karter is able to remember these moments and memories we share together, seeing the excitement on his face all over again.