To my son on his 4th birthday…

Dear Karter,

A short four years ago you entered my world, but really you became my world. I had no idea what I was doing, or what kind of mother I would be. I remember getting the phone call that I was to be induced March 6th at 8am, when I got off the phone I immediately vomited. Yep, your calm, cool, collected mother was a nervous wreck.

We didn’t have an easy go at this parenting thing at first, our first month together feels like a blur. Hospital visits, sleepless nights, breastfeeding challenges, tears, poop, baby vomit, a complete blur.

But one thing that still stands out, is this all encompassing feeling of love. As soon as I laid eyes on you I had this feeling of completeness, you were a soul mate of sorts because you completed my life and everything became clear after you were born.

Being your mom has been the greatest blessing, watching you grow from a baby into this smart, thoughtful little boy with the biggest heart and so full of love and joy I feel so lucky.

Friday morning at your great grandma’s funeral, seeing you shed tears just like all the adults in the room showed not just me but everyone else just how much you had grown up in these four years. You understand so much in life now, its hard to shelter you from life’s challenges because you’re so insightful.

I never want you to lose your optimism, or your zest for life. You see the world in a different light than most people, I only hope you can continue to see the world that way for as long as possible.

You are special Karter Neythan, when you finally let people in you always make them laugh, and care about them so deeply. You are emotional, and have this heart not many three and four year olds have.

You have taught me so much, you taught me how love unconditionally, you’ve taught me that its ok to act like a child once in a while, you taught me that I can function with absolutely no sleep, you’ve taught me that it’s ok to laugh at yourself, most importantly you’ve taught me that i have strength that I didn’t even know I had until you were born.

I am so thankful I have you, you’ve been this shining beacon in my life everyone who is lucky enough to know you. You touch so many people little boy.

And remember…

You are my sunshine

my only sunshine.

Love always,


Finally I include this video of photos of you from birth till you’re fourth birthday.



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