I’m Calling Bullshit…

If you google “parenting” you will be flooding with websites with a million ways to be a good parent.

I’m calling bullshit.

I think there is maybe one way to be a “good parent” (which I also think is subjective) which would be just be present in your child’s life.

Otherwise all these 1000 ways to be a good parent, is basically irrelevant.

There is literally a article titled “50 easy ways to be a fantastic parent” are you shitting me??

For one, how is anything parent related easy. The only thing that came easy for me was loving Karter. And two, how can you dictate being a fantastic parent, isn’t that somewhat subjective???

One of their suggestions to be a fantastic parent is to “encourage daddy time” now I’m a single mom so I don’t totally understand this, as Daddy isn’t readily available for Karter. But is this a thing that needs to be said and done? Shouldn’t daddy time or mommy time be a given? I mean you chose to have this child and raise it, so shouldn’t you just be there??? 

Another helpful tip to be a fantastic parent… “Play with your child” seriously??? Is this not common knowledge? Aka be there, be present, in the moment. 

Another one… “Talk about what it means to be a good person” ok so don’t raise an asshole. Got it. 

“Vaccinate your children” I vaccinate for my own reasons, but subliminal or rather blatant messages to make parents vaccinate. Cool. 

“Encourage your kids to brush their teeth” while your at it, encourage them to bath and wipe their bum too, that would make you a real fantastic parent. 

This article even has to say, “love your kids equally, but treat them uniquely” so parents, love them all the same but treat them as their own humans, not clones. 

Without trying to give my own tips or advice I leave you with this…

My point was, you will hear a billion reasons and way to be a good parent; but just be there in the moments with your children. Everything else is second nature, you know your child has to brush their teeth and so on. We’re all great parents despite the varying parenting choices, one isn’t better than the other it’s all subjective. 

One of the in the moments caught on camera of Karter and I…

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Shit my kid says part 4

Once again Karter is at it, making me laugh till I cry…

Here is just some of what he has been saying lately:

  1. While picking him up and putting him in the car he says, “oh my god mom you just pushed my fart out” and we both started laughing. Because farts are now all the rage.
  2. “mom you’re kinda really losing your mind”– this is his go to phrase when he doesn’t wanna hear what I have to say
  3. “Oh my god, you’re never going to believe this, it’s unbelievable!!!” Something an adult might deem not a big deal is unbelievable to Karter.
  4. “Mom can you hold this, my hands are just filthy!” Ok you little 80 year old man 
  5. While grocery shopping Karter says to me, “no no mom let me push the cart, I’m the man” 4 going on 24 apparently 
  6. While looking out the window Karter says, “look there’s the green sign we saw at Great Bromey’s.” Where’s the sign? “Over yonder.” Ok, little 90 year old. 
  7. Karter will always say, “this is going to be great” when he believes he has a good idea haha 
  8. It doesn’t take much to please a toddler. We can go to the park, stay in bed cuddling, go to the zoo, go to the grocery store and karter without a doubt will say, “this is the best day ever!!!” It always makes me smile.

This child never fails to make me laugh, he comes up with some crazy things! 

To the Strong Parents…

The last 36 hours has been some of the most difficult I have experienced as a mother. 

I handed my sweet 4 year old over to a nurse to be put under to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. 

I had to smile and tell him everything was ok, as he screamed out for me until he disappeared down the hallway.

All the parents who experience this, or worse experience this on a regular basis; the stregth you have is incredible. I sincerely don’t know how you do it.

I’m sitting here crying even writing this, because it’s been so difficult to watch my child be in this much pain.

Is he drinking enough? Is he in pain? Is he eating enough? Is he swallowing his meds? Does he have a fever? Is he bleeding and I’m not noticing? Should I have pushed for him to stay in the hospital? Was he too young to have the surgery?

Just a few of the thoughts going through my mind right now.

And I know in just a few weeks he will be back to his normal, crazy self and life will return to its normal bliss. But not every child and parent gets it this way.

Sitting there and waiting what seemed like an eternity for his doctor to tell me he was ok and in recovery. I started to get really nervous at the 30 min mark. 

What was taking so long? Where is my baby? 

Finally I was able to go see him, seeing him after he had just woken up from the anesetic not only was it unsettling but it broke my heart.

So I feel selfish worrying this much when other parents have so much more to worry about. 

But I will continue to worry, in reality I will worry my entire life because I’m his mom. 

So basically this blog is a letter to the parents who have to struggle with these thoughts and seeing their children struggle on a regular basis. You are incredible, the stregth and courage you have to have for your children you deserve a medal and so much more!


I’m greatful to be home with Karter, but still worrying at every step of his recovery! 

This parenting thing, pretty spectacular even with the crazy worrying! 

10 of the Most Accurate Parenting Meme’s 

It has been a couple crazy, hectic months for Karter and I; I will explain in a post when I have more information and clarity on the situation. Anyway, I wanted to post a funnier more lighter post in the mean time.

We all know parenting doesn’t come without its trials and tribulations, but it’s all part of this journey we all parenting and life! 

So number 10 is…

  
We all know this feeling. Put the children to sleep, and then you have a solid one hour to party before you go to bed. Am I right? 

Number 9…

  
I couldn’t even tell you what bars are popular or even still in business now a days. But I can sure tell you when the zoo is open, or what’s happening on the latest Paw Patrol episode! 

Number 8…

  
Kids thrive off a lack of sleep I swear! The less sleep Karter gets the more energy he has! No matter what I know I can count on Karter to be my alarm clock bright and early at 6am like always! He doesn’t mind or care that I’ve had a solid 3 hours of sleep, it’s a new day mom lets do this thing! 

Number 7…

  
If it’s not Karter barging in the bathroom door because he has to pee more than I do, it’s the cat scratching at the door for some quality time. I swear the only time Karter has to urgently poop is when I have just gotten into the bathroom. I imagine in his brain it goes something like this… “Mom? Mommy? Oh she must be peeing, I better go see how it’s going. Oh man I have to pee, well clearly I have to pee more than her. I’ll just tell her to stop and move so I can go. Then maybe I’ll have to poop 2 minutes later. Yea that sounds accurate” 

Number 6…

  
Toddlers can not be trusted. Sorry it had to be said. I remember one time, Karter was very quiet. I actually thought to myself wow maybe I have 5 minutes to eat. But then I found him… Colouring on the walls with chalk. He just walked away, like yea I did that so what you left me alone for more than 30 seconds, what did you expect me to do?

Number 5…

  
Oh boy have I been here a hundred times. Cuddle Karter to sleep, but then I’m trapped. If I try to slowly get my arm out and sneak away I risk the chance of waking him and spending another hour trying to get him back to sleep. But honestly 99% I pass out with him for a nap at 8pm, whoops! 

Number 4…

  
“Mom, mommy, mom, mama, Kaylea!!!”

Yes Karter 

“Oh nothing” 

Everytime.

I think he just likes the sound of his own voice at this point, or to see how many times and variations he can say mom before I answer him, because whatever I am doing is not nearly as important. 

Number 3…  

  I will make something, he doesn’t want it so we go back and fourth finally I make something else he claims he will eat… Oh but then he no longer wants it. Fine child starve!! Yep daily struggle! 
Number 2…

 For me this one is more relevant when I hear something come out of his mouth that I say. Lately he will say “oh god” for everything!! Well guess who is guilty of saying “oh god…” On the regular. Yep me. So natually I hide my giggle and tell him it’s not nice to say that and maybe he should say “oh gosh” instead. 

Or the one time I stubbed my toe and yelled out “f**k” and suddenly Karter was saying it left right and centre. Yep, face palm! That took a day to blow over then he realized no one thought it was funny so he moved on to a new word.

And of course number 1… 

  

Kids don’t come with a handbook, every child is different, every parent parents different. It’s not easy, it’s not intended to be. But man, is it ever the most rewarding experience. I cry, laugh and get frustrated daily but I wouldn’t change a thing for a second. Karter is just the biggest blessing in my life.

Honourable mention goes to this meme…

  
In our house is Paw Patrol. You put on Paw Patrol and you can sit for a minute and enjoy the latest heroics and hijinx of Chase, Rocky, Ryder and the gang! 

Mom secrets…

I’ve been a mom a whole four years now,

So basically I know a lot… haha

But really I know that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there. So I’ve picked up a few things that I feel make the days go smoother.

  1. Scheduling is everything. Kid’s are basically programmed. They become used to a schedule, and if anything is off its anarchy. Bedtime schedules specifically, if anything is off you best bet that child is going to be up until 2am. I have a schedule I stick to it for the sake of both our sanity’s.
  2. Nap. This seems so simple, but sleep as a mother is so hard to come by. So sleep, whenever the opportunity arises. Nap with your baby, toddler, child just nap. The rest of your responsibilities will still be there when you wake up.
  3. Don’t compete with other moms. This one is hard. I find myself always comparing myself to other moms. But in reality we’re all great moms, and we shouldn’t compete but encourage and praise each other. So high five fellow moms, you rock!
  4. Multi-task. I’m pretty sure the art of multi-tasking was perfected by moms. We have about a thousand and one things going on in those brains of ours and we seem to get through the day managing them all. We’re multi-tasking when we don’t even know it.
  5. Take a break. All moms are superheroes there is no denying this. But even superheroes not only deserve but need a break. So make sure you take that break, maybe 5 minutes in the washroom, or a quick trip to the grocery store. But take it and enjoy it.
  6. Finally the last secret I’ve learned, is that no matter how much you think you’re screwing up. You’re not. No one knows your child better than you, and that beautiful babe of yours will love you regardless. You’re a great mom and you’re doing a good job.

 

To my son on his 4th birthday…

Dear Karter,

A short four years ago you entered my world, but really you became my world. I had no idea what I was doing, or what kind of mother I would be. I remember getting the phone call that I was to be induced March 6th at 8am, when I got off the phone I immediately vomited. Yep, your calm, cool, collected mother was a nervous wreck.

We didn’t have an easy go at this parenting thing at first, our first month together feels like a blur. Hospital visits, sleepless nights, breastfeeding challenges, tears, poop, baby vomit, a complete blur.

But one thing that still stands out, is this all encompassing feeling of love. As soon as I laid eyes on you I had this feeling of completeness, you were a soul mate of sorts because you completed my life and everything became clear after you were born.

  
Being your mom has been the greatest blessing, watching you grow from a baby into this smart, thoughtful little boy with the biggest heart and so full of love and joy I feel so lucky.

Friday morning at your great grandma’s funeral, seeing you shed tears just like all the adults in the room showed not just me but everyone else just how much you had grown up in these four years. You understand so much in life now, its hard to shelter you from life’s challenges because you’re so insightful.

  
I never want you to lose your optimism, or your zest for life. You see the world in a different light than most people, I only hope you can continue to see the world that way for as long as possible.

  
You are special Karter Neythan, when you finally let people in you always make them laugh, and care about them so deeply. You are emotional, and have this heart not many three and four year olds have.

You have taught me so much, you taught me how love unconditionally, you’ve taught me that its ok to act like a child once in a while, you taught me that I can function with absolutely no sleep, you’ve taught me that it’s ok to laugh at yourself, most importantly you’ve taught me that i have strength that I didn’t even know I had until you were born.

I am so thankful I have you, you’ve been this shining beacon in my life everyone who is lucky enough to know you. You touch so many people little boy.

And remember…

You are my sunshine

my only sunshine.

  
Love always,

Mommy.

Finally I include this video of photos of you from birth till you’re fourth birthday.

  
 

What I learned from my Grandmother…

Just shy of 90 years of life my grandmother whom I affectionately called Grams had a lot to offer this world in terms of advice.

Grams was born in 1926, a completely different world, she didn’t always understand everything I did but she supported and loved regardless.

With that being said in the nearly 25 years I was lucky enough to know her she taught me so much, that I will carry my entire life.

  1. She taught me family is first. She was the matriarch of our family, and she always put her kids, grandkids and great grandkids before herself no matter what they’ve done good or bad, forgiving any mistakes.
  2. She taught me strength and grace. Regardless of what was going on in my grandmother’s life, her children and grandchildren weren’t always aware. If she was in pain, or struggling she handled it herself and made sure we didn’t struggle with her. And it wasn’t because she didn’t want to lean on her family when she needed it, but because she was the pillar of strength in our family, she knew we were there for her but she also knew we needed her.
  3. Respect your mother. As a child I would get mad at my mother for trivial things, as every child does. My grandmother would say “now Kaylea that is your mother you best be nice to her”, when I was 7 this didn’t carry much weight. But now as an adult and a mother myself it speaks volumes. My mother birthed me, my mother has made countless sacrifices for me time and time again, the least I could do is be nice to my mother.
  4. Always enjoy a good fatty meal. This one was big with Grams, every week she would ask, Kayl you want to get burgers and ice capps? The answer was always yes. First she would tell me how great I looked so I felt less guilty enjoying some crap food. But we ate it all, with no regrets.
  5. People don’t need to know everything. You can keep the little things to yourself. As a child, if you make a mess its ok to not tell your parents as long as you clean it up or hide it really well.
  6. If your mom or aunt’s say no, just ask Grams. If they say no to a popsicle, just wait till they go out and grab grandma one too and its all good. Grandma has your back.
  7. Always care and worry about everyone else before yourself. Grams was very selfless. She would care about everyone, neighbours, strangers, even celebrities. She taught me that I should care about everyone and worry about their needs just as much as much if not more than my own needs. Everyone is struggling with something, be aware of that and showing them how much you care could be what they need.
  8. Don’t stop believin’ and stay true to your loves. Grams was a hardcore fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs and she never stopped believing they could go all the way, not for a second. Anyone who tried to dis her team, she spoke up for her team. It seems silly, but it carry’s over into many things. When I believe in something, I strongly believe in it, I do not let someone put my beliefs down or make them seem insignificant. I guess in a sense she taught me strength again.
  9. Always believe in everyone, and don’t diminish a person’s worth. My grandmother raised a child with cerebral palsy, she never once for a moment doubted her daughter’s worth or strength. My aunt could do anything and everything, just a little differently. This taught me to look beyond someone’s disability. Kids used to stare at my aunt and I remember thinking why are they looking at her like that? My grandmother would just tell me they aren’t lucky enough to know someone as special as my aunt. So to get to the point, I know my strength and I don’t diminish anyone else’s worth because my Grams taught me just that.

My Grams was an incredible woman, she was the family matriarch and anyone who knew her should consider themselves lucky. Everything she taught me I will carry with me forever, and pass on to Karter. I was lucky enough to know my Grams for nearly 25 years, I share so many memories with her, this list is just a few of the many things she taught me over the years.

  This is one of my favourite photos of her. You can see just how much she loved her family; and the legacy she left behind. She is so dearly missed already. 


Grams if you’re listening, I miss you and Karter misses you so much. I hope you can hear him. He was singing to you today and said goodnight to you. Until next time Grams… Love Kaylea