I’m gonna be selfish..

So it has been a whopping four months since I have posted. These four months have been some of the hardest I’ve been put through, both mentally and physically with school and motherhood amid everything else. But I am on the other side of it now, and I’m looking forward to an awesome 2017.

So I have decided in 2017, that I will focus on me.

Yep, I have a child but I’m gonna focus on myself.

Of course Karter comes first, but the end of 2016 was so hard, I need to put myself first too in order to be the mom he deserves.

I’m sure people can agree with me, that being a parent is so fucking hard. Yea I had to swear, that’s how serious I am.

Some of the moments are so euphoric, and I don’t think another moment could make me happier, but then something else happens and so on. I am afraid I won’t remember them and I need to photograph them, but I really need to put my phone down and live in the moment instead of trying to photograph it.

Being a mom was definitely my destiny, however I’m still human and need to work on myself.

I get so wrapped up in my anxieties, I need to find a way to cope and live.

I have decided to set goals for myself that are different than my typical goals.

Here are a few…

  • Love myself for who I am
  • start meditating (I did it a few times, and LOVED it)
  • be comfortable with my body again
  • start knitting (I’m 25, going on 70)
  • create more memories with Karter that aren’t all photographed
  • make time for myself despite the challenges of life

This isn’t necessarily a Karter post or a parenting post, but it is a post to tell parents to take time for themselves.

This semester I had a placement where my preceptor told me how important it is to make time for yourself because the burnout is real. Her method is simple, after a hard day when “her well is dry” as she put it, she goes to Tim Horton’s orders a donut and a coffee and goes walking along the beach. It centers her.

Burnout is real, take care of yourself people.

Another way, I like to relax. Cuddling.

 

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On Your First Day of School Karter…

Well first let me say, I wasn’t super active on my blog throughout the summer. I worked, completed a summer course and spent time with my little. It was a very busy, fast summer (lightening speed fast). I’m finding it hard to believe Labor Day is coming to an end as I type this up. But it is. Now on to the reason for this post…

My baby, is starting Junior Kindergarten tomorrow morning.

How???!?!

He was just born like yesterday!

But the reality is he is four and a half, that photo is four and a half years old.

For the most part he is ready for school, his bag is packed, he’s picked out a new outfit, he even practiced opening and eating his snacks. The not so ready is his anxiety and uncertainty of the whole situation.

But he’s a good kid (I may be biased) and after some time will flourish at school.

He loves the crap out of facts and knowledge. He loves nothing more than schooling me with knowledge.

Now, Karter one day I hope you sit down and read these blog posts and appreciate them. If not, I know I will read them until I’m old and grey and don’t know how to work the newest technology. So I write this to you on the eve of your first day of school…

My Dear Sweet Little Boy,

This is the eve of your first day of junior kindergarten, I have so many emotions going on right now. I am equally, excited, happy, joyful, nervous, and sad. Yes sad, because you are growing up so quickly I just want to slow down time a little bit and hug you a little longer. But I also know you will love school so much, and learn tons. You will come running to me to tell me everything you’ve learned that day!

I am grateful for that hour in the day where you say “ok mom I’m ready to go cuddle” I will cuddle until you are too cool to cuddle your mom anymore. Here we are cuddling just yesterday.

Tonight I cuddled you to sleep, before you embark on this HUGE day. I tried not to make it a huge deal for you, and I promise I will try not to cry until you’re in the classroom with your teacher (I’ll tell you a secret, I’m trying not to get emotional just typing this up). This is such a big day for both of us, mommy has to trust someone else with you, and trust that I have taught you everything you need to know thus far. And you, you have to go into this unfamiliar place and make friends, I know it wont be the easiest thing but you will be so great baby!

As for trusting your teacher, I absolutely do. Mommy actually had your teacher as her very own teacher in 7th grade, you will be walking the very same halls mommy nervously walked, and ended up making some great friends and memories. When you walk down the hall to the water fountain you will see mommy’s photo up on the wall from 10 years ago, hopefully that is comforting. And if it isn’t you have that photo of mommy you stuck in your backpack to look at when your day isn’t going as planned.

So my sweet boy, you are going to do so many great things in this world. And this first day of kindergarten is only just the beginning. I love you so much, and Mommy will be waiting for you before the bell even rings, I promise to listen all about your day, or just lay and cuddle because I promise no matter how much you’re missing me I am missing you 100 time more and will be thinking about you all day!

And baby don’t forget,

You are my sunshine xo Mommy

 

 

I’m Calling Bullshit…

If you google “parenting” you will be flooding with websites with a million ways to be a good parent.

I’m calling bullshit.

I think there is maybe one way to be a “good parent” (which I also think is subjective) which would be just be present in your child’s life.

Otherwise all these 1000 ways to be a good parent, is basically irrelevant.

There is literally a article titled “50 easy ways to be a fantastic parent” are you shitting me??

For one, how is anything parent related easy. The only thing that came easy for me was loving Karter. And two, how can you dictate being a fantastic parent, isn’t that somewhat subjective???

One of their suggestions to be a fantastic parent is to “encourage daddy time” now I’m a single mom so I don’t totally understand this, as Daddy isn’t readily available for Karter. But is this a thing that needs to be said and done? Shouldn’t daddy time or mommy time be a given? I mean you chose to have this child and raise it, so shouldn’t you just be there??? 

Another helpful tip to be a fantastic parent… “Play with your child” seriously??? Is this not common knowledge? Aka be there, be present, in the moment. 

Another one… “Talk about what it means to be a good person” ok so don’t raise an asshole. Got it. 

“Vaccinate your children” I vaccinate for my own reasons, but subliminal or rather blatant messages to make parents vaccinate. Cool. 

“Encourage your kids to brush their teeth” while your at it, encourage them to bath and wipe their bum too, that would make you a real fantastic parent. 

This article even has to say, “love your kids equally, but treat them uniquely” so parents, love them all the same but treat them as their own humans, not clones. 

Without trying to give my own tips or advice I leave you with this…

My point was, you will hear a billion reasons and way to be a good parent; but just be there in the moments with your children. Everything else is second nature, you know your child has to brush their teeth and so on. We’re all great parents despite the varying parenting choices, one isn’t better than the other it’s all subjective. 

One of the in the moments caught on camera of Karter and I…

Shit my kid says part 4

Once again Karter is at it, making me laugh till I cry…

Here is just some of what he has been saying lately:

  1. While picking him up and putting him in the car he says, “oh my god mom you just pushed my fart out” and we both started laughing. Because farts are now all the rage.
  2. “mom you’re kinda really losing your mind”– this is his go to phrase when he doesn’t wanna hear what I have to say
  3. “Oh my god, you’re never going to believe this, it’s unbelievable!!!” Something an adult might deem not a big deal is unbelievable to Karter.
  4. “Mom can you hold this, my hands are just filthy!” Ok you little 80 year old man 
  5. While grocery shopping Karter says to me, “no no mom let me push the cart, I’m the man” 4 going on 24 apparently 
  6. While looking out the window Karter says, “look there’s the green sign we saw at Great Bromey’s.” Where’s the sign? “Over yonder.” Ok, little 90 year old. 
  7. Karter will always say, “this is going to be great” when he believes he has a good idea haha 
  8. It doesn’t take much to please a toddler. We can go to the park, stay in bed cuddling, go to the zoo, go to the grocery store and karter without a doubt will say, “this is the best day ever!!!” It always makes me smile.

This child never fails to make me laugh, he comes up with some crazy things! 

To the Strong Parents…

The last 36 hours has been some of the most difficult I have experienced as a mother. 

I handed my sweet 4 year old over to a nurse to be put under to have his tonsils and adenoids removed. 

I had to smile and tell him everything was ok, as he screamed out for me until he disappeared down the hallway.

All the parents who experience this, or worse experience this on a regular basis; the stregth you have is incredible. I sincerely don’t know how you do it.

I’m sitting here crying even writing this, because it’s been so difficult to watch my child be in this much pain.

Is he drinking enough? Is he in pain? Is he eating enough? Is he swallowing his meds? Does he have a fever? Is he bleeding and I’m not noticing? Should I have pushed for him to stay in the hospital? Was he too young to have the surgery?

Just a few of the thoughts going through my mind right now.

And I know in just a few weeks he will be back to his normal, crazy self and life will return to its normal bliss. But not every child and parent gets it this way.

Sitting there and waiting what seemed like an eternity for his doctor to tell me he was ok and in recovery. I started to get really nervous at the 30 min mark. 

What was taking so long? Where is my baby? 

Finally I was able to go see him, seeing him after he had just woken up from the anesetic not only was it unsettling but it broke my heart.

So I feel selfish worrying this much when other parents have so much more to worry about. 

But I will continue to worry, in reality I will worry my entire life because I’m his mom. 

So basically this blog is a letter to the parents who have to struggle with these thoughts and seeing their children struggle on a regular basis. You are incredible, the stregth and courage you have to have for your children you deserve a medal and so much more!


I’m greatful to be home with Karter, but still worrying at every step of his recovery! 

This parenting thing, pretty spectacular even with the crazy worrying! 

10 of the Most Accurate Parenting Meme’s 

It has been a couple crazy, hectic months for Karter and I; I will explain in a post when I have more information and clarity on the situation. Anyway, I wanted to post a funnier more lighter post in the mean time.

We all know parenting doesn’t come without its trials and tribulations, but it’s all part of this journey we all parenting and life! 

So number 10 is…

  
We all know this feeling. Put the children to sleep, and then you have a solid one hour to party before you go to bed. Am I right? 

Number 9…

  
I couldn’t even tell you what bars are popular or even still in business now a days. But I can sure tell you when the zoo is open, or what’s happening on the latest Paw Patrol episode! 

Number 8…

  
Kids thrive off a lack of sleep I swear! The less sleep Karter gets the more energy he has! No matter what I know I can count on Karter to be my alarm clock bright and early at 6am like always! He doesn’t mind or care that I’ve had a solid 3 hours of sleep, it’s a new day mom lets do this thing! 

Number 7…

  
If it’s not Karter barging in the bathroom door because he has to pee more than I do, it’s the cat scratching at the door for some quality time. I swear the only time Karter has to urgently poop is when I have just gotten into the bathroom. I imagine in his brain it goes something like this… “Mom? Mommy? Oh she must be peeing, I better go see how it’s going. Oh man I have to pee, well clearly I have to pee more than her. I’ll just tell her to stop and move so I can go. Then maybe I’ll have to poop 2 minutes later. Yea that sounds accurate” 

Number 6…

  
Toddlers can not be trusted. Sorry it had to be said. I remember one time, Karter was very quiet. I actually thought to myself wow maybe I have 5 minutes to eat. But then I found him… Colouring on the walls with chalk. He just walked away, like yea I did that so what you left me alone for more than 30 seconds, what did you expect me to do?

Number 5…

  
Oh boy have I been here a hundred times. Cuddle Karter to sleep, but then I’m trapped. If I try to slowly get my arm out and sneak away I risk the chance of waking him and spending another hour trying to get him back to sleep. But honestly 99% I pass out with him for a nap at 8pm, whoops! 

Number 4…

  
“Mom, mommy, mom, mama, Kaylea!!!”

Yes Karter 

“Oh nothing” 

Everytime.

I think he just likes the sound of his own voice at this point, or to see how many times and variations he can say mom before I answer him, because whatever I am doing is not nearly as important. 

Number 3…  

  I will make something, he doesn’t want it so we go back and fourth finally I make something else he claims he will eat… Oh but then he no longer wants it. Fine child starve!! Yep daily struggle! 
Number 2…

 For me this one is more relevant when I hear something come out of his mouth that I say. Lately he will say “oh god” for everything!! Well guess who is guilty of saying “oh god…” On the regular. Yep me. So natually I hide my giggle and tell him it’s not nice to say that and maybe he should say “oh gosh” instead. 

Or the one time I stubbed my toe and yelled out “f**k” and suddenly Karter was saying it left right and centre. Yep, face palm! That took a day to blow over then he realized no one thought it was funny so he moved on to a new word.

And of course number 1… 

  

Kids don’t come with a handbook, every child is different, every parent parents different. It’s not easy, it’s not intended to be. But man, is it ever the most rewarding experience. I cry, laugh and get frustrated daily but I wouldn’t change a thing for a second. Karter is just the biggest blessing in my life.

Honourable mention goes to this meme…

  
In our house is Paw Patrol. You put on Paw Patrol and you can sit for a minute and enjoy the latest heroics and hijinx of Chase, Rocky, Ryder and the gang! 

Mom secrets…

I’ve been a mom a whole four years now,

So basically I know a lot… haha

But really I know that being a parent is one of the hardest jobs out there. So I’ve picked up a few things that I feel make the days go smoother.

  1. Scheduling is everything. Kid’s are basically programmed. They become used to a schedule, and if anything is off its anarchy. Bedtime schedules specifically, if anything is off you best bet that child is going to be up until 2am. I have a schedule I stick to it for the sake of both our sanity’s.
  2. Nap. This seems so simple, but sleep as a mother is so hard to come by. So sleep, whenever the opportunity arises. Nap with your baby, toddler, child just nap. The rest of your responsibilities will still be there when you wake up.
  3. Don’t compete with other moms. This one is hard. I find myself always comparing myself to other moms. But in reality we’re all great moms, and we shouldn’t compete but encourage and praise each other. So high five fellow moms, you rock!
  4. Multi-task. I’m pretty sure the art of multi-tasking was perfected by moms. We have about a thousand and one things going on in those brains of ours and we seem to get through the day managing them all. We’re multi-tasking when we don’t even know it.
  5. Take a break. All moms are superheroes there is no denying this. But even superheroes not only deserve but need a break. So make sure you take that break, maybe 5 minutes in the washroom, or a quick trip to the grocery store. But take it and enjoy it.
  6. Finally the last secret I’ve learned, is that no matter how much you think you’re screwing up. You’re not. No one knows your child better than you, and that beautiful babe of yours will love you regardless. You’re a great mom and you’re doing a good job.